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Sally Hansen’s “Grey Area”
That sounds like a personal problem. Maybe we shouldn’t talk about it.
I dub thee: BURYING ANOTHER BODY: CONCRETE HIDES THE TRUTH

Sally Hansen’s “Grey Area”

That sounds like a personal problem. Maybe we shouldn’t talk about it.

I dub thee: BURYING ANOTHER BODY: CONCRETE HIDES THE TRUTH

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Zoya’s “Opal”
I was under the impression that opals were predominantly white. Am I wrong? Yes? No? Maybe? There’s literally no way to know. Oh well. Green flecky stuff. 
I dub thee: IT’S RUDE TO BOTTLE TINKERBELL

Zoya’s “Opal”

I was under the impression that opals were predominantly white. Am I wrong? Yes? No? Maybe? There’s literally no way to know. Oh well. Green flecky stuff. 

I dub thee: IT’S RUDE TO BOTTLE TINKERBELL

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OPI’s “On her Majesty’s Secret Service”
I was unaware that the secret service was allowed to wear this much glitter. My mind is blown. My worldview will never be the same. 
I dub thee: CORGIS

OPI’s “On her Majesty’s Secret Service”

I was unaware that the secret service was allowed to wear this much glitter. My mind is blown. My worldview will never be the same. 

I dub thee: CORGIS

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OPI’s “Tomorrow Never Dies”
Gee. That’s a weird way to say purple. 
I dub thee: THE APOCALYPSE BEGS TO DIFFER

OPI’s “Tomorrow Never Dies”

Gee. That’s a weird way to say purple. 

I dub thee: THE APOCALYPSE BEGS TO DIFFER

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Nicole by OPI’s “Khloe had a little lam-lam”
Literally had to google what this was even trying to mean. Apparently Lam is what Khloe Kardashian calls her husband. I lost brain cells in that google search. None of this has anything to do with this pretty blue that it’s referring to. There is a Mount Lamlam in Guam. Maybe it’s actually referring to that. The sky over Mount Lamlam at dusk. Lovely.
I dub thee: WHY ARE THE KARDASHIANS STILL A THING

Nicole by OPI’s “Khloe had a little lam-lam”

Literally had to google what this was even trying to mean. Apparently Lam is what Khloe Kardashian calls her husband. I lost brain cells in that google search. None of this has anything to do with this pretty blue that it’s referring to. There is a Mount Lamlam in Guam. Maybe it’s actually referring to that. The sky over Mount Lamlam at dusk. Lovely.

I dub thee: WHY ARE THE KARDASHIANS STILL A THING

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Nicole by OPI’s “Rainbow in the S-Kylie”
What? I just. No. Apparently this has something to do with the Kardashians. And apparently there is a Kardashian named Kylie. You learn new things every day. So if you’re going to name your nail polish something as dumb as rainbow in the skylie, at least omit the dash. Rainbow in the Sdashkylie? Rainbow in the Shyphenkylie? 
I dub thee: KARDASHIANS ARE MADE OF GLITTER AND IRRELEVANCE
Also, shyphenkylie is a new venereal disease in which glitter continuously shoots out of your vagina. Watch out for that. 

Nicole by OPI’s “Rainbow in the S-Kylie”

What? I just. No. Apparently this has something to do with the Kardashians. And apparently there is a Kardashian named Kylie. You learn new things every day. So if you’re going to name your nail polish something as dumb as rainbow in the skylie, at least omit the dash. Rainbow in the Sdashkylie? Rainbow in the Shyphenkylie? 

I dub thee: KARDASHIANS ARE MADE OF GLITTER AND IRRELEVANCE

Also, shyphenkylie is a new venereal disease in which glitter continuously shoots out of your vagina. Watch out for that. 

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Sinful Colors’ “Fusion Neon”
Not really getting the fusion here. I don’t think that word means what you think it means. You see fusion usually involves 2 or more things coming together. This is just pink. It is a fusion of pink and pink. The neon I get.
I dub thee: PRINCESS THEMED 6TH BIRTHDAY PARTY

Sinful Colors’ “Fusion Neon”

Not really getting the fusion here. I don’t think that word means what you think it means. You see fusion usually involves 2 or more things coming together. This is just pink. It is a fusion of pink and pink. The neon I get.

I dub thee: PRINCESS THEMED 6TH BIRTHDAY PARTY

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OPI’s “My Pointe Exactly”
Well my point is that this is the least descriptive name. I don’t really know why it matters. I can see the color, so its name doesn’t need to also tell me what color it is, but still. It looks like concrete. That’s why I bought it. Concrete is a nice shade of grey. “My pointe exactly” means nothing. 
I dub thee: BURYING A BODY

OPI’s “My Pointe Exactly”

Well my point is that this is the least descriptive name. I don’t really know why it matters. I can see the color, so its name doesn’t need to also tell me what color it is, but still. It looks like concrete. That’s why I bought it. Concrete is a nice shade of grey. “My pointe exactly” means nothing. 

I dub thee: BURYING A BODY

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Sinful Colors’ “Nail Junkie”
So not helpful. Did someone smear glitter polish on their track marks? I assumed “sinful colors” referred to the colors being sinfully good or something, but maybe they’re just named sinful things. The polish namers just have extremely sordid lives. Whatever. No judgement. Just name your colors more descriptive things. 
I dub thee: NEPTUNE LIKES THE DISCO TOO

Sinful Colors’ “Nail Junkie”

So not helpful. Did someone smear glitter polish on their track marks? I assumed “sinful colors” referred to the colors being sinfully good or something, but maybe they’re just named sinful things. The polish namers just have extremely sordid lives. Whatever. No judgement. Just name your colors more descriptive things. 

I dub thee: NEPTUNE LIKES THE DISCO TOO

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Sinful Colors’ “Happy Ending”
I have no idea what they’re going for here. At least I hope I have no idea what they’re going for here. Was this the color of the pretty massage therapist’s nails? Inappropriate. 
I dub thee: TORYAMELIAWOOLEY

Sinful Colors’ “Happy Ending”

I have no idea what they’re going for here. At least I hope I have no idea what they’re going for here. Was this the color of the pretty massage therapist’s nails? Inappropriate. 

I dub thee: TORYAMELIAWOOLEY